I have a new interview up with British transpersonal psychologist and podcast host Lucinda Lidstone for her Talking Tealeaves podcast. Lucinda asked probing questions, really listened to the answers, and had a flowing, intuitive sense of what I wanted to say. She was so much fun to talk with that I ended up saying things that I seldom reveal to anyone. (Artwork: #13 from my new Homage to Dhyanyogi Madhusudandas series) Interview with Brian George - Onevsp

 

When I was first introduced to my wife, I told her that I had always missed her but had never realized it until we finally met. She was present as a kind of pregnant absence. I was aware on some alternate level of the self of a kind of negative space, like the shape of a missing puzzle part, to which her image corresponded. Shape would one day fit itself into corresponding shape to complete the occult structure. We might certainly wish that this process were more foolproof than it is, that so many things could not potentially go wrong, and yet, in its own wonderfully slipshod way, this tendency of linked fragments to reassemble themselves into an image sometimes takes us where we need to go.

 Are we meant to have certain experiences? Are we meant to connect with certain people rather than with others? At a multidimensional intersection—at a 19^th Century train station as designed by Giorgio de Chirico, let’s say, where the newly arriving and newly departed search for their respective tracks—it is possible to see how precarious forces constellate, not always to our advantage. You would think that each soul might choose the simplest path, so that joy would feed on joy. Why would we choose to live in exile, far from our own coast, to be stepped on, starved, and deceived? It should not be so difficult to return to the Satya Yuga. Nonetheless, it is. We break what we love. We then yearn for what we broke. Habit is not harmony. Safety is an illusion of the microcosm. With their eyes that never close, the seers of the World Maritime Empire watch.

 Listen, and I will whisper in your ear. Perhaps earth-shattering events happen every day around you, more or less invisibly, as you brush past in your haste to buy a donut. A catastrophe that occurred in 9800 BC is only just now informing you of the whereabouts of your heart. After so much time it has decided to return, again to advocate for its role as the seat of true intelligence. If you do not stop the world, for just a moment, to talk to the stranger standing next to you, you may have thrown away your one and only chance to meet that significant Other. But where was the music of the occluded sphere hiding, and why did love’s messengers take so long to appear? No doubt you are bad.

 The more romantic among us are used to thinking that there may be one true soul-mate for each person. It is less common to imagine that friends or teachers may also play such central roles. How many of these are there? No more than a small handful. They may do no more than acknowledge what you are, but without them, somehow, you would not be you. In the staircase of your DNA, there are certain friends who wait on certain landings. At the Institute of Interplanetary Forms, a bird has programmed an encounter with a teacher. “Real” events are later tweaked to correspond. Such collisions have about them a great sense of uncanniness; the world has changed, and it is not possible to return to your earlier and simpler view of existence. Certain bits of information had been stored in your subconscious. If these were not meant to stay hidden, why would they have been put there? Why should this Mongol invader have access to what you cannot touch yourself? A kind of right to left reversal has occurred. Your mode of vision has been altered.

 Once, let’s say, you despaired of ever meeting a teacher who could see you. Then, through no effort on your part, such a teacher is just there. In retrospect, this meeting will no doubt seem inevitable, the most natural thing in the world. At the same time, you must study how the opposite is true: such a meeting should be seen as an “opus contra naturam,” as an alchemical “work against nature,” as the reverse engineering of a series of wrong turns, as the deconstruction of a badly deconstructed text. How do you know when a bird has programmed a key meeting? You know because the meeting should not have taken place at all.

 Continue reading at Scene4:

https://www.scene4.com/1023/briangeorge1023.html

Masks of Origin: Regression in the Service of Omnipotence is available through Untimely Books and Amazon:

https://www.amazon.com/Masks-Origin-Regression-Service-Omnipotence-ebook/dp/B0BLTCBJP8/ref=sr_1_1?crid=2XISN0WF9K6ZA&keywords=brian+george+masks+of+origin&qid=1697981230&s=books&sprefix=brian+george+masks+of+origin%2Cstripbooks%2C77&sr=1-1

 Image: Ernst Fuchs, Penna Vulcana, 1973Ernst Fuchs, Penna Vulcana, 1973

My interview with Michael Kokal for his End of the Road podcast is now up.

Michael will also be interviewing my wife Deniz Ozan-George about her role as a priestess of Lucumi, her experience with various types of divination, her artwork and upcoming exhibit at Galatea Fine Art, and her memories of playing drums with the all-girl, no-wave punk group Bound and Gagged.

End of the Road: Episode 271: Brian George: Visionary Literature/"Masks of Origin" (libsyn.com)

Image: Number four from my new series of oil pastels “Homage to Dhyanyogi Madhusudandas

Masks of Origin: Regression in the Service of Omnipotence is available through Untimely Books.

https://untimelybooks.com/book/masks-of-origin/

 

 

Before being kicked out, I attended a parochial high school for two years—two years of Hell, or of preparation for the arcane tortures of the Apocalypse. An “education in the Classics,” as they say. The mind is a muscle, which one would never be allowed to use—or else. Self-knowledge was regarded as a form of masturbation. Just see where that would lead. And, once you got started, then how would you ever stop? It might one day become impossible to distinguish between one’s intellect and an orgasm. No exclamations of “Eureka!” were allowed. One’s flash of sudden intuition might disrupt the Pre-Game Pep Rally.

Such intellectual “exercise” as there was—and the use of this term strains language to the breaking point—was like the watching of an aerobics video: The instructor shouts like a drill sergeant. It is good for you, somehow. Although sitting on a couch, one feels virtuous by the end. St. Thomas Aquinas had corrected the few small mistakes of Aristotle. He was smarter than you! In this age of genetic recombination, he was the thinking Darwinian’s modernist. He had determined how many angels should be allowed to dance on a pin. No more need be said. Even now, those angels are too petrified to get off.

 No doubts need mar one’s contemplation of the shadow of the atomic bomb.

 Usurping the right-of-way on Main Street, we were forever staging marches with felt banners and singing songs with choruses like, “And they’ll know we are Christians by our love, by our love.”—Ugh. Such sentiments are among the few things that can inspire me to hatred. Even now, the sight of a flaming dove can cause my stomach to turn over. They are not cute; they are evil. When a few football players judged my hair to be too long, such love didn’t stop them from hacking it off with a Polish cavalry saber. And yet, mystery of mysteries, both in their own minds and to school administrators, these thugs were more devout than I. Cosmic love can be difficult, if not in theory then in practice. It is more of a rare element than the evidence-free chorus of a song. Cosmic love is not for beginners, but the basic idea of forgiveness is a sound one.

 “Forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us.”

 Christ—yes; Christians—no. How many devotees of the cross have ever shouldered the full weight of this pronouncement? The first part they take seriously, yes; the second part they ignore. To want to be forgiven doesn’t mean that one forgives. I too do my best to set my enemies free, on certain days, if I am in the mood. “Bless those who curse you,” said He Whose Name I Will Not Speak. “Only connect,” said E.M. Forster. Both injunctions point us toward the fact of our radical interdependence. The web on which we pull is inconceivably complex. We have no way to extract ourselves. The web breathes us, even as we argue that our breathing is our own. In the Cloud of Unknowing, forgiveness may prove the only method of “dead reckoning” that will work.

 From the seed of nothing to the shore of nowhere, we do our best to mark an X upon the fog, to search our pockets for a spark from a dead sun. How strange that our shadows hate us. How strange that we trade enemies from one life to the next.

 Some hard kernel of insight has survived my scorched-earth war against the “Savior,” who, as an omniscient god, should have known better than to hang around with Christians. “Thank god that I am Jung, and not a Jungian!” exclaimed Jung, in a tone that we can imagine to be incredulous with disgust, or perhaps relief. A foreknowing Christ should have followed Jung’s example. I would argue, too, that a Monotheist is the greatest enemy of the One. They have named “G-d,” though in a somewhat generic form. To make an idol, they have shrunk the haunted oceans of the Void. They have cut down the Tree of Life. Omphalos is now horizontal. They have literalized the interdependent meanings of the Ur-Text.

Continue reading at Scene4:

https://www.scene4.com/0923/briangeorge0923.html

Masks of Origin: Regression in the Service of Omnipotence, my first book of essays, is available through Untimely Books:

https://untimelybooks.com/book/masks-of-origin/

My Friend, the Minotaur/ Part Three

 

Exempt from politics, uninterested in wealth, devoted only to the care and feeding of my art, it may be true that I am self-absorbed. I seldom give any change to derelicts. I care more for my peace of mind than for the for the fires that will erase whole towns in California. I do not live there, I live on the East Coast, and who among you has the standing to accuse me? I have never owned a car. I prefer to walk. My carbon footprint is much tinier than the average. Even now, I care too much. In spite of all my yogic preparations, I think more about the fifth great die-off than I should. 

Call me focused, if you will, or anxious, or even self-contained; do not call me narcissistic. True, there is a barcode on my forehead, but it is only just barely visible. If I am not pure, I am as pure as most of the 8 ½ billion now being prepped for sacrifice. They are pure enough. They will serve, as will you, dear reader/listener, who have volunteered to bare your throat by the fact of your existence. My role? It is only to inform you of your role. The entrance to and the exit from the labyrinth are the same. There, the choice is yours. It is certainly not my fault if the Minotaur was a friend. It is not fair to describe me as a vector of disease, and if I were, would this really be so bad? How else could I speak of the Minotaur, of your no more than six-degrees of separation from his cult. 

In its “Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders,” the A.P.A. lists narcissism as a disease, but why, when so many narcissists are successful, even famous? Some diseases are common, like life. A true disease originates on the other side of death. It is a broken mirror, a sign pointing at itself. To its host, the true disease is of inestimable value. “Success does not come cheap,” as the maxim goes, but the price will be paid by someone other than the Minotaur. The 12-year-old girl who works at the Dow plant in Bhopal, for example, has volunteered to assist in the clearing of this debt, and she is said to be grateful that she has a job at all. In this age of the triumph of the Top One Percent, of sociopathic chic, to say that someone is “successful” does not imply any personal virtue on his part, or that he has not, very simply, stolen what he wants. 

For now the shadows have come out to play. The light shifts, and they have suddenly become much more tangible than they were, as they dare us to speak up. We are free to say “Please” and “Thank You.” We have somehow incurred a debt by the fact of our existence. “Will that be cash or blood, sir?” It is possible that the 1000 percent interest is too high. Once, Daedalus had set up a receptacle for virgins, which has now been fully automated. We are free to speak up, if we choose. We are free to interact with the forces that, from the time before the Deluge was a tear, have been hidden at the dead center of the labyrinth. 

Continue reading at Scene4: 

https://www.scene4.com/0823/briangeorge0823.html

 Masks of Origin: Regression in the Service of Omnipotence is available through Untimely Books: 

https://untimelybooks.com/book/masks-of-origin/

Art: Rudolf Hausner, The Labyrinth, 1987-1991 

My Friend, The Minotaur/ Part Two

 

When my ex-wife Lisa called from L.A. in August of 2002, after being out of touch for several years, to announce that she was planning a trip to Boston, she asked that I contact our old and mutual friend Danny Panagakos to inform him about the trip. She was working on a new video project, a kind of autobiography, and wanted to compare and contrast then and now versions of important people and places. She was very fond of Danny. His voice advised her. His image lived in her heart. To Lisa, Danny was a vampire god of the avant-garde. He referred to her as “Miss Georgette.” I hesitated. Lisa would not take “no” for an answer. “I’m not sure Danny wants to hear from either one of us,” I said.

 Lisa was fond of Danny. But was he also fond of her—or of his parents, or even of his wife, Salma? It was not clear to me that Danny could be truly fond of anybody. Danny and Lisa had, in fact, slept together during the hallucinated days that preceded our divorce, a fact about which Danny wasted no time in informing me. He did not want to place roadblocks on the freeway of our open communication. Did I care? No. It was an omen of the end of an anachronistic drama. As such, it was welcome. I was, however, puzzled by this need for confession on the part of someone so incapable of guilt.

I had no clue as to his motivations then, at lease none that was allowed to pass my threshold of awareness. Do I have one now? I don’t have an explanation but I do have a suspicion, and again, it has to do with drama. There is little reason to apologize to an entity that does not exist, but, even in the labyrinth of mirrors, the false self needs a cast of supporting actors. The job of the supporting actors is to chant that the narcissist is the Minotaur, the devouring god, the black hole at the center of the labyrinth, towards which virgins of both sexes must converge. Transgression and loyalty collaborated to feed the appetite of the growing supernova.

*** 

After a number of false starts, I finally managed to track Danny down at the main branch of the Webster Public Library, where he had worked his way to the top. Founded by Samuel Slater in 1812 and located on Lake “I’ll Fish on My Side and You Fish on Your Side and Nobody Fishes in the Middle,” as the translation from the Nipmuc goes, Webster is an old mill town, once famous for the manufacturing of shoes and textiles, which had been reimagined as an upscale bedroom community, with a stage-set-style Main Street, during the high-tech “Massachusetts Miracle” of the 1980s.

 The paint on all of the scenery is fresh. You will not find any worn spots on the railings. There are ordinances against pigeons pooping on the statues, and for this reason, they have set up tiny rest rooms. Even the manikins look like Stepford versions of themselves. As odd as it might seem, such life-like verisimilitude can be spectral, and such micromanaged quaintness can be more than a bit disturbing. You would think that you were living in the 1920s, at the latest, and that Norman Rockwell might, at any moment, wander into the Owl Smoke Shop for tobacco.

Danny was now Director of Library Services for the town—an odd position for a flamboyant avant-gardist. I stopped to wonder at how my friend could pour so much energy into library science, which he hated, and so little into his artwork, which, supposedly, he loved. This was also one of the last places in which you would expect to find the Minotaur. A mastery of the Dewey Decimal System was not a classically recognized attribute. The library was, however, like the labyrinth, a hermetically-sealed environment, in which the Minotaur could enforce the centrality of his role. A high percentage of discordant feedback could be purged. Any leakage of his occult hungers could be plausibly denied. Few traces would be left. Amid the coolness of the well-lit shelves, the beast’s rage would be more difficult to detect than the whisper of air from the AC units.

 After a wait of two minutes, Danny's assistant put me through. “Hi Danny, this is Brian,” I said. “Lisa is planning a trip to Boston next week, and she asked if I could arrange a time and place for the three of us to meet. She’s working on a kind of video autobiography, incorporating some Super 8 footage from 1978, in which we were all doing our best to act experimental. She was hoping to interview both of us, to revisit some of our favorite places and to cut back and forth between the present and the past.”

 D: “Tell her that I'm busy.”

B: “Lisa is traveling 3,000 miles, and it’s been eight years since her last trip. Are you sure that you can't set aside an hour for lunch?”

 D: “Salma and I are building a house in Belize. I'm really very busy.”

 B: “Belize! Why Belize?”

 D: “I’m disgusted with America. It has Americans in it, who disgust me. My grandmother died last year. She left me all of her money, as well as all of her real estate holdings. Money is not an issue anymore. I've worked enough. Salma and I are planning to retire next year, in Belize, where small, brown-skinned peasants will worship the ground we walk on.

 “Are you still living on Hemenway Street, or have they thrown you out yet?”

 B: “I moved when I got married seven years ago. We own a house.”

 D: “A house! My, that really is impressive. Have you published anywhere, or are you still the ne'er do well that my father always called you?”

 B: “I've written four books since the last time that I saw you. I've published here and there. What about you, Danny? Are you doing any writing or art?”

 D: “I am, but I don't want to talk about it. You might steal my ideas again. Did you know that I have a radio show? They pay me to destroy movies.”

 B: “Steal your ideas! You've got to be kidding. You've never actually shown me any of your work, except for that black matchbook with your name inside.”

 And so the conversation went. There was no rapport, no play of curiosity, not the slightest trace of affection. “Lisa is going to be disappointed,” I said. “Perhaps you could give her a call.”

 D: “No. You talk to her. She's your ex-wife. I have no interest in ancient history.”

Towards the end of our conversation Danny confided, with considerable self-satisfaction, a bit of information that I found amazing. He said, “I no longer feel inhibited about being a bitch. I make sure that people know what I think of them. I don't hide my feelings anymore.” He presented this as though such an attitude were the sign of some new maturity, as though rudeness were not the most ancient of weapons in his arsenal. I could not remember a time when Danny did not feel free to taunt or mock others without the slightest of provocations. Friends did not get special privileges. Passersby were not exempt.

 I thought back to a lunch at Bangkok Cuisine that occurred perhaps 12 years before. Our mutual friend Janet was visiting from New York, and as we were waiting for our Pad Thai and Green Duck Curry, Danny decided to entertain us with a series of sarcastic improvisations. He was quite inventively vicious, brilliant in his pantomime of the diners’ gestures and actions. He did not speak quietly, but projected his lines as to the top seats in the balcony of a theatre. One especially outrageous comment took Janet by surprise. She snorted, with explosive force, covering Danny with a large amount of shrimp and lemongrass soup. The man sitting at the next table turned to him, and said, “I'm glad that she spit on you! I was about to do it myself.”

 Danny was special. Humans were stupid. Contempt was the most appropriate response to the opinions and activity of others. As Adam Smith, in The Wealth of Nations, wrote, “All for ourselves and nothing for other people, seems, in every age of the world, to have been the vile maxim of the masters of mankind.” There were those who saw such “selfishness” as a bad thing. Danny was not among them.

Illustration: Felix Labisse, Hommage a Gilles de Rais, 1957

Continue reading at: https://www.scene4.com/0723/briangeorge0723.html

Masks of Origin: Regression in the Service of Omnipotence, my first book of essays, is available through Untimely books: https://untimelybooks.com/book/masks-of-origin/

 

My Friend, the Minotaur/ Part One

 

A challenge had been issued: “Find the past!” Most records had disappeared. The ones that survived were not worth the DNA they were printed on. The reasons for the body count—which, each year, grew by exponential leaps—were as variable as was the scale and appearance of the labyrinth. Some claimed that the labyrinth was actually just a concrete pillbox bunker, left over from the days of World War II, whose iron doors, streaked with salt, had long ago rusted shut. On one door: a large eye beneath a pair of horns, and on the other one: an octopus. Perched on a plateau, the complex gave access to a 360-degree view, and there were “wheel tracks,” cut deep into the stone, which led from it in a network of straight lines to the beach, and then continued on, straight down through the surf and down into the depths. Every seven years, of course, would come the drawing of the lots, though few had ever met the occult corporatists who would materialize to serve as judges on the pageant, and the doors never did appear to open or to close.

 Now, it was obvious that a new Reich was in charge, and that, from their makeshift cybernetic Bindu, they were ready to wrap their spell around the next 1000 years. At each of the 28 U-turns, they had cut the throat of a professor of geometry. It was a time for glad preparations. With his gold-tipped training horns, a tiny and scrunched-up bundle of omnipotence had arrived. It seemed possible, however, that the director of the WTO had been incorrect in his reading of the entrails. Many objects had been thrown, noses had been bitten, and ears had been torn off. A seizure had occurred, it was said, which had somehow split an atom. Great fissures had opened up in the holographic stage-set, which, as the Minotaur continued to stamp his tiny hoof against the world, had all the more aggressively to be closed. Amid the glow of the radioactive fallout, it was possible that the Guardians of the Double Ax had begun to lose control. It was possible they too might succumb to the madness that, until then, they had found the means to micromanage.

 Commandos in black parachutes had dropped like electrocuted birds and then landed in broken heaps, to form two rings around the steadily expanding complex. No direct assault could prevail against the Minotaur, no challenge to his force-field from without, no intrigue of rogue sub-departments of DARPA from within. He existed, as was scheduled in the stars. To attack the Minotaur was to amplify his strength. To turn against the labyrinth was to magnify its breadth.

Hoarse bellowing had flown across the black waves of the ocean. Foam had gathered on the lips of the scrunched-up bundle of omnipotence. His eyes rolled, striking fear into the hearts of even those in the inner circle. Was there some way to distinguish between a tantrum and a seizure, some method marked with the thumbprint of the Ancients, some safe way to harness the convulsions of the beast? This issue was a source of ongoing speculation among the Long-Skulled Seers of the Federal Reserve, yet both of these phenomena had pointed towards one end. It was feeding time. The technology that had been meant to keep the monster in had instead provided him with access to fresh victims, who were even less able than he was to escape. 

Continue reading at Scene4:

https://www.scene4.com/0623/briangeorge0623.html

My first book of essays, Masks of Origin: Regression in the Service of Omnipotence, is now available through Untimely Books:

https://untimelybooks.com/praise-page/masks-of-origin/

Early Days in the Vortex/ Part Three

In March of 1975, I went with two friends to the Peabody Museum of Natural History at Harvard. It was there that I met an intelligent five-foot matrix of quartz. My skull hummed. Voices swelled from the Hypogeum on Malta. A python hissed from his crevice at Delphi. Gargoyles roared from their ledges on Notre Dame. Trembling, I did my best to write down what I heard. There was a scent of nuclear fallout in the air, of sandalwood mixed with ash from the Battle of Kurukshetra. My hands were cold. I could barely hold my pencil. The museum guards wouldn’t let me rest my notebook on a display case. The babbling swelled, and then continued to grow louder. If only these beings were not speaking in so many different languages! 

 In these early days in the vortex, the inner and the outer worlds frequently changed places. I not only felt that I belonged to a community of artists, I also felt I was part of a living universe that was itself a form of art, in which artist and work were the alternate aspects of one seemingly atonal but harmonious process, in which the living differed from the dead mostly in being subject to the law of gravity (except for those of us who were evolved, of course). The way to grasp the psychotic complexity of this web was to plunge without looking towards the depths of the confusion. Joy was the key to the City of the Ancients. Once, the whole of the world could be fit inside my heart. Facts in the foreground led to the conundrum of the infinite, as the figure eight revealed—if only to cover it up again—the erotic subtext of the Eon. False rulers had corrupted the translucency of the records. It was our job to remember how to read.

 Lacunae were like oceans, once thought by archaeologists to create barriers between continents, which our hairier prototypes were too stupid to overcome. More recent theories suggest that such “barriers” could be a means of transportation. The very opacity of the sign was an indication that something big was going on. The more absurd, the better. The sign suggested, it did not denote, and the further we had to go to wrap our minds around it the more radical, in the end, would be the change in our awareness. It was good to be puzzled, at the mercy of the currents and the winds. It was possible that our own breath was the thread that led from the labyrinth, whose exit, now too tiny to see, was located on a foreign shore.

 The rate of coincidence exploded. For example, at 6 AM one day I was awakened from a dream, as I heard, forced from my lips, the Mayan word “Xibalba.” At 8:30, when I left for school, I found that some passerby had written “Xibalba” on the steps of my apartment building. How often does that happen? A coincidence, or so the scientist says, of which one normally does not bother to take note. And yet…This was the only day, out of the thousands before and since, on which some passerby has written a Mayan word by my door.

 Continue reading: https://www.scene4.com/0523/briangeorge0523.html

Masks of Origin: Regression in the Service of Omnipotence, my first book of essays, is available through Untimely Books: https://untimelybooks.com/book/masks-of-origin/

Masks of Origin: Regression in the Service of Omnipotence--Untimely Books

My book of essays, Masks of Origin: Regression in the Service of Omnipotence, is now available through Untimely Books. This is the first of six books that I will be publishing with them. 

https://untimelybooks.com/book/masks-of-origin/

Early Days in the Vortex/ Part Two (of three)

 

My working-class neighborhood in South Worcester was a great place to grow up—if your interests were such things as baseball, basketball, bike riding, tree and railroad bridge climbing, kick the can, fighting, trespassing, and urban spelunking. Unless it rained, my friends and I spent most of our time outdoors. It was not, however, the best place for a budding avant-gardist. By the time I graduated high school, I had become aware of just how limited I was, like the city that produced me, a city I would only years later come to love. 

If you had a car, you could drive from my neighborhood to Boston in an hour. I didn’t have a car, however. I didn’t take Route Nine. I went by way of the abyss. I worked eight hours a day as a janitor at the Worcester Telegram & Gazette, cleaning ink off all the presses, and also as a counsellor at the Worcester Crisis Center, learning to treat the problems of heroin addicts and would be suicides as being almost as important my own. I then would spend most of my free time at the Clark University Library, going stack by stack in my search for any trace of the Philosopher’s Stone. An abyss had opened, and I entered it. We became good friends, more or less, not that I was presented with any other option. In the two years after high school, I chose to act as my harshest critic. There was lots of catching up to do. To do something once was to do it many times. I saw, I heard, I was led, I learned a lot, but each small gain felt deliberate and laborious. 

And then, in September, 1974, when I moved to Boston to go to art school, my self-imposed atonement came suddenly to an end, as though I had closed the book that I was reading with a snap. Don’t ask for what crime I had been sentenced to atone. A kind of antigravity took over when I stepped from the Greyhound bus. The top of my head flew off. The days appeared to physically grow brighter. The sun moved closer to the Earth. I was as happy as one of the roaches that scurried in my 92 dollars-per-month apartment. 

Did my kitchen not have a stove? Did water leaking from my ceiling destroy a dozen drawings? Was my wallpaper starting to peel off? Did the mice make so much noise that they kept me up at night? What of it? Such hardships fit my definition of adventure. So as not to grow too comfortable, a few days per week I would add to these hardships by sleeping on the floor. In Worcester, I had put my shoulder against an almost immovable wheel. In Boston, in search of the later-day descendants of Bohemia, on the cusp of a cultural moment that I had not yet discovered, not the effort but the sense of difficulty disappeared. 

I had intended to rent an apartment a few blocks from my school. Hopelessly ignorant of the city, I ended up a mile away. What luck was mine! My location was a perfect one, across the street from the Northeastern University Library, whose books would gladly welcome me when I fled from my apartment. Was this place the result of a series of wrong turns? No. I had accepted Baudelaire’s invitation to go with him on a voyage. I had gone where the Old Ones sent me. I was where I was meant to be. If the most important changes are internal, having to do with one’s subtle relationship to events, then there are also times when outer changes are essential, when one would die inside without them. These outer changes then shift the balance between the subject and the object, so that events begin to articulate the psyche, so that the psyche appears to be present in the most random of events.

Continue reading at Scene4: https://www.scene4.com/0423/briangeorge0423.html

Image: Andre Masson, Transformation of the Lovers, 1939

My first book of essays, Masks of Origin: Regression in the Service of Omnipotence, is available through Untimely Books: https://untimelybooks.com/book/masks-of-origin/